10 Things Rudolph probably doesn't want for Christmas:
1. Hay -this is provided free by Mr and Mrs Clause and also forms part of their contractual obligation to Rudolph and the other reindeer (see section 5.403.2 for further information).
2. Carrots -Also provided by The Clause's and also given out by over 20 billion children on Christmas Eve. I'm quite sure Rudolph doesn't ever want to even look at another carrot until at least March. For this reason, i always leave him a carefully wrapped turnip near my Christmas List each year.
3. Hoof Varnish /Antler Glitter- Rudolph is not homosexual despite once being found in a compromising position with Blitzen who claims he was just administrating the Heimlich Manoeuvre when Rudolph swallowed a carrot a bit too quickly.
4. Nose polish -Rudolph needs no more attention being drawn towards his proboscis than he has already thankyouverymuch.
5. Bells -It's a known fact that despite having bells on the sleigh and bells around his harness and bells on his flippin antlers, Rudolph despises the noise of bells and secretly listens to Simon and Garfunkel on his i-pod for the duration of the journey.
6. A subscription to Otter Monthly Magazine - he borrows mine but complains that they are usually a bit too soggy to read and so seems to have lost interest.
7. Diet books - a rigorous 11 month fitness regime is administrated by the elves for each of Santa's Reindeer. This include star jumps, squats and stretches which ensure that no one pulls a muscle while carting 480 million Nintendo Wii consoles to fat kids in Florida on a sleigh pulled by a festively plump man with a beard who smells of gin.
8. Antler grooming kits - Rudolph's antlers are cared for by Mauricé of Lapland.
9. Novelty socks - Even Rudolph's gran stopped buying these for him after a few years. you should too. He does not wear socks -especially socks with pictures of snowmen, characters from The Simpsons or Betty Boop on them.
10. A torch - Really, think about it...he can do without one.
7 comments:
it's horribly difficult trying to find a present for Rudolph. You wouldn't mind telling me what he does want for christmas.
Wonderful list. It made me giggle like a happy baby.
I was thinking of giving him a bottle of JD, but he's not very good at bottles and all, is he?
Not since he lost his corkscrew, no.
I'm buying him tango lessons.
oh shoot!
Now all that's left is virtual money!
I'm getting him 10 gold and a pair of slippers with antlers.
I think I'll get buy him a visit to a nice spa. Antlicure and a mud-bath would make him feel great.
insanity workout, ferragamo shoes, babyliss, mcm handbags, chi flat iron, p90x workout, converse, hollister, nike huarache, baseball bats, nike trainers, ray ban, soccer jerseys, nfl jerseys, vans, instyler, asics running shoes, louboutin, north face outlet, mac cosmetics, beats by dre, timberland boots, converse outlet, herve leger, nike air max, wedding dresses, new balance, nike roshe, jimmy choo shoes, iphone cases, vans shoes, ghd, soccer shoes, celine handbags, longchamp, north face outlet, mont blanc, reebok shoes, lancel, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, hollister, lululemon, ralph lauren, nike air max, gucci, valentino shoes, birkin bag, oakley, bottega veneta
moncler, canada goose, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, toms shoes, links of london, juicy couture outlet, pandora charms, wedding dresses, pandora charms, canada goose, swarovski crystal, montre pas cher, supra shoes, moncler, bottes ugg, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, sac louis vuitton pas cher, doudoune canada goose, moncler, ugg pas cher, hollister, canada goose outlet, canada goose, canada goose uk, replica watches, moncler outlet, moncler, canada goose, moncler, thomas sabo, ugg boots uk, swarovski, marc jacobs, karen millen, moncler, juicy couture outlet, pandora jewelry, moncler, pandora jewelry, coach outlet, canada goose outlet
Post a Comment