Workshop Elf Contractual Obligations

This contract states that you will be entered into full-time employment of the Clause Society Industries (CSI). By signing the below contract, you will be obliged to perform the tasks and duties of your work-role and will be subject to adhere to the strict dress-code policy and behavioural requirements as mentioned in section 2.5.64c

As well as the terms of conditions of service which are outlaid in your Welcome to CSI pack, please also ensure that the following guidelines are adhered to at all times:

1. Always look cheerful -you're elves and should never look grumpy or you could be mistaken for goblins. As we all know, Mr Clause does NOT like goblins since 'the incident'.

2. If working on the naughty and nice lists, please ensure to check them twice. This is not a request but a prerequisite. Twice. Not once. Not three times. Twice. Rhymes with 'mice'.

3. If Mr Clause has been drinking and Mrs Clause is not around, please remember never to make direct eye-contact with Mr Clause as this will lead to an awful thing happening to you in one of the storage cupboards. Details and diagrams of the 'awful thing' can be found on page 61 of the handout given to you during orientation entitled 'Why Sitting On His Lap Isn't a Good Idea'.

4. When feeding the reindeer, please never be tempted to use Rudolph's nose as a make-up mirror. He doesn't like it and he bites. Hard.

5. Although the dress code should always be observed, we are glad to announce that three items of 'flair' can be added to your uniform. These can include bows, patches and earmuffs but please refrain from wearing anymore than the assigned 37 bells on your uniform for health and safety reasons. Over two thirds of the workforce were off sick in 1997 with symptoms of Tinnitus.

6. As elves, it is expected for you to laugh, giggle, chuckle and squeal for at least 17 of your working hours per day. Please ensure that laugh-breaks are taken at the appointed times only to ensure a constant stream of festive cheer is upheld throughout the day. These will be assigned to you by your giggle co-ordinator on your first day of business.


7. Mobile phones are not permitted in the Radio-Control Robot section of the workshop. For further details on why these devices are banned, please see Lefty, Stumpy or Limpy who are usually found hobbling around the coffee machine and admiring each others scars.

Signed ______________________

Date ________________________


See? Still no otters!