Obviously as a dolphin stationed at the Government Facility for Smart Arsed Fish, i don't ever have to worry about moving home. The only time I've left the pool in the last year or so was a short trip to the vets where i had a case of flipper-rot examined.
Turned out, it wasn't flipper-rot, it was just a mushed up Creme Egg stuck to me...but anyway, that's a whole other story.
For those people contemplating moving, i don't think you can underestimate how important it is to make sure that the house is completely free of ghosts and goblins before making the purchase.
Always ask yourself the following questions when entering the new property:
Did it suddenly drop 24 degrees in here?
Why did i feel a sense of dread when i opened the cupboard in the cellar?
How come there's rope hanging over that roof-beam?
Should it REALLY be seeping red oozing gloop through the wall in the dining room?
Is hearing the words "Whooooooooooooo...die mortal! DIE or Join Ussssss!!" when entering the completely empty bedroom a GOOD thing?
Also it's also worth asking the previous occupants if they often perform black magic, satanic rituals, tupperware parties, that sort of thing. May also be wise to question if the house was built on top of ancient Indian burial grounds, next to a cemetery for dead kittens, on intersecting lay-lines, next to Ozzy Osbourne.
If buying a farm, it's probably worth asking if a crop ever failed and if the farmers ever made a pact with a demon in order to bring a plentiful harvest which included burning a virgin, strangling a duck, being generally unpleasant to a family of otters... the usual stuff.
By using these simple tips, you should be free of ever waking up next to headless half-goat thing, sharing breakfast with a sobbing jilted corpse in a wedding dress or finding that your slippers have been eaten by a demonic monkey-frog-weasel thing.
Happy House Hunting!
2 comments:
this is a test
as is this.
Post a Comment