Dracula!

So after a hard night of sucking and flapping about, it's back to the castle...but enough about me, let's talk about Dracula.

Surely he doesn't just drink blood then slink back to the coffin, right? I mean, it's never a good idea to sleep on a full stomach. All those calories swimming about will go straight to the wings so what is there for an evil abomination of the after-life to do during those early hours before sunrise?

Here are just a few suggestions to consider for everyones favourite man-of-a-certain-age:

Laundry - Sure, you may only have one suit, the one you were buried in, but it's bound to get a bit 'foisty' after the first hundred years. Plus moths aren't picky. Time to pop that cape in the Hotpoint with as much Bounce Conditioner as you can lay your sharp little fingers on.

Send Emails - You might be a party animal at night but not everyone works on the same shift-pattern as you. Time to let Frankenstein know about that Science Museum exhibition or send the Wolfman handy hair-grooming tips that you found on Wikipedia. Alternatively, you can forward those Viagra junk mails to the Mummy. He hasn't 'had it' in years.

Make a nice quiche - they can keep for up to three days in a tupperware container and you never know when those lovely buxom wenches from the tavern down the road might pop 'round for an after-hours snack.

Start a photo album for otter pictures - Everyone has one and they're just great. Mine is laminated for obvious reasons.

Watch anything with Christopher Walken in it - you know, for tips on how to be REALLY scary.

Decorate - it's not like you have any neighbours is it? So fire up the drill, let loose with the Phillips Screwdriver and let's get busy with some nice throw pillows and matching curtains. Beige is very non-threatening and pastilles are all the rage in Tuscany.

Watch those late night phone-in quiz programmes -Hey, you ARE the undead and probably totally devoid of emotion. You'll find you have so much in common with most of the hosts of the shows! Quick start speed-dialing that premium rate number right now!

Calculate the amount of hard cash you could earn from the tooth fairy - they don't have to be just YOUR teeth under the pillow, right?