Floods!!

As anyone not stuck in a cave, a plastic tupperware box, or a glass specimen jar on a giant's shelf knows, it's been raining a lot in the UK recently.

I really don't see what the fuss is all about. Surely all this water makes it easier for you all to swim to the shops using your fins and gills and splashy flippe.....oh, wait, i forgot.

Yes, i can see it might be a bit troublesome for those people without webbed toes (the residents of Kippax* are OK then). But Let's not complain too much, right? We should be making the most of this valuable opportunity!

OK, so your slippers might not dry for the next three weeks but think about it, you could have your very own family of ducks in your living room. Think of the excitement as you try to turn the TV channel only to find that Colin the Mallard has eaten the remote control and is quacking with happiness as he forces you to endure another hour of The Ricki Lake Show (ducks love anything with 'lakes' in).

Make little inflatable lifevests and a raft for the cat and push it around the dining room until it gets a bit stroppy.

Pretend your kitchen is the galley of a sinking pirate ship. Make the family dress up and force them to say 'Garrrhhhh!' and 'that it be' instead of 'yes it is'. Drink rum and eat dry crackers and make a hook out of tinfoil and a baguette.

Fish! Cast a line out from the bedroom window and see what you can catch from what used to be your garden.

Lure a family of otters into your home using the aforementioned line with a sausage on the end. Otters love sausage.

*a rather inbred village in the North of England. Think 'The Wicker Man' but without electricity or rational thoughts.