Novembrrrr!

'Where did October go?' You ask but before you can get an answer, you hear the screeching sound of tyres and whip your head around to see that October has borrowed your car keys and zoomed off into the distance throwing its head back and laughing and playing the Best of Huey Lewis as loud as possible on your stereo.

But wait, what's this? A parcel? For you? You tear at the paper and open the box to reveal November. Its big shiny eyes look up at you longingly as you read the attached note which tells you to look after the infant month for the next 30 days and reminds you not to feed it cookies after midnight.

Yes kids, November is here. This is the month in which Santa pays for an advert in Elf Weekly for extra help in the toyshop and it's also the month in which we see a whole lot of fireworks, explosions and bangs...but enough about my love life.

There are some fabulous dates to note in November including the Day of the Dead festivals in Mexico which involve dressing up as a spooky thingy and eating pretzels or something and also Veterans Day which should never be confused with Veterinarian's Day which is only celebrated by folk who spend half their lives with their hands inside cats bottoms while mopping up tortoise sick with a little cloth.

In history, Columbus discovered Puerto Rico in November. It was down the back of a sofa along with a kazoo, an old television remote and 27p in loose change. He subsequently misplaced Puerto Rico three days later but found it again in some grass clippings taken from his hover-mower.

In Australia it is customary for menfolk to sport a moustache for the entire month. I'd love to be able to grow a moustache. I'd look so dignified and intelligent but sadly i don't think it's possible for dolphins to have facial hair.....unlike otters who have lots. Ahem.