Badgers Vs Hedgehogs

When it comes to Mammals, we at the Fishtank know how hard it is to choose the perfect type to match your lifestyle. Sure, many of them fall into your price bracket but just how do they handle?

We put two of the more popular models through their paces in our head-to-head battle to see if we can find...the ULTIMATE woodland mammal!

Hedgehog:

The first thing you notice when you first get into the driving seat is just how uncomfortable it is. Spikey seat, spikey, footwell, spikey controls. Everything just feels incredibly painful. However, after just a few miles, you soon realise that this little 'hog has quite a bit of "grunt".

Taking a casual meander through the sun-drenched woodland, you find yourself feeling as if you haven't a care in the world as the 'hogs tiny feet scamper happily over dense shrubbery, large puddles and even slippery wet leaves with ease. Indeed, the feeling of safety increases furthermore as the famous curl-up-in-a-ball-and-squeak button is pressed.

For the next 28 feet, we simply "rolled", picking up a little speed but in a comfort zone uninterrupted by the pointy teeth of angry weasels or slightly-miffed otters.

overall:

Engine: Spiketech 190

Power: fast acceleration but lacking high-end speed

Fuel: worms and milk left out by little old ladies

Traction: 4x4 scamper-grip-claws

Appearance: You either love 'em or hate 'em

Additional features: Curl-Up Safety and the ability to hold over 78 bits of cheese and pineapple chunks

Badger:

A different type of beast altogether. With its go-faster stripes and luxurious plush shag-pile comfort, you can sense the quality within minutes of inserting the key.

After the usual 32 seconds of snuffling, we set off at a brisk pace easily passing obstacles even the spikey Hedgehog couldn't master. Zipping left and right between moss-covered rocks and casually skipping through pools of dank, oily water of up to 43 cm, nothing appeared to slow us down.

Unfortunately, it's not all good news. The baggage space is sadly nowhere near as grand as with The Hog, safety seems to be low on the Badger's list of priorities and, most unsettling, for over 78% of your journeys, you will be pursued by Bill Oddie.

overall:

Engine: Snuffleruffle 98

Power: Speedy stripes and boundless energy

Fuel: Slugs and stuff that Bill Oddie leaves out

Traction: 4x4 but sometimes this feels slightly uncontrollable

Appearance: Manages to divide people between saying "Awwwww" and "Ooooh"

Additional Features: Excellent at night but gets slightly erratic around BBC camera-crewmen.

The Verdict!

Despite the improvements in Hedgehog technology over the last few years, the distinct lack in top-end power and an inability to provide a rather lovely snuffling noise put the little piggy in 2nd place. The Badger wins by a cute little nose.