February!!!

Yes! It's the first of a whole new month! Officially, the month is so new that it still has it's price tag on it and is still wrapped in cling-film!

February is also the shortest month of the year and so, in honour of this, I decided to take a break from intimidating the smaller fish that hang out in the shallow end of my pool and put together a lovely list of things which are incredibly short!

1. Tom Cruise! Not only is he The World's Most Famous Celebrity but he is also the shortest!! At night the totally NOT gay actor sleeps in Katie Holmes' sock drawer and has to use a reel of cotton to shimmy down to the floor each morning. His voice is naturally too high for humans to hear and has to be deepened via the use of high-tech computer technology in order for his co-stars to communicate with him.

2. Homer Simpson's temper. While generally placid, Homer can go from 0-150 in just 24 frames. Never touch his last doughnut or mention that Marge's sisters are staying over for a few months.

3. Smurfs. Although incredibly popular and loved in the 1980s, these creatures were, in fact, originally cast out of a demonic plane of existence for being simply TOO evil! Sure, they may look cute in their little hats but they only wear them to hide their satanic little horns. They also sweat poison. Avoid.

4. The time you have between hearing a loved-one in a nearby room and covering yourself up when fondling yourself.

5. This list.