The Sims - The Movie

There i was, casually flippering my Dolphin-O-Type 2000 for the latest news about fish-fingers when it was brought to my attention that Hollywood are making a big budget film of the popular PC game, The Sims!

For those that have never played it, and therefore probably live in a cave and smell of stale cabbages, The Sims is a game in which you play at families. Its a dolls house on your computer which allows you to 'create' your own story while ensuring your sim-peeps eat, drink, sleep and watch TV from time to time in order to stay sane and healthy.

All the makings of a blockbuster then, right?

So, just in case Hollywood change their mind(s), here are a few other game- movie ideas which would be potentially even MORE exciting than watching The Sims movie:

1. Ms. Pac Man * - The Movie: In which Jessica Alba plays the title role of a young yellow spherical girl who is new at her preppy high school. During this tragic tale, she finds herself getting addicted to 'power pills', binge eats and hallucinates about dead spirits chasing her. Directed by Mike Leigh.

2. Mario Kart- The Chronicles of Wario: Think 2 Fast 2 Furious, now replace Vin Diesel with a small turtle and change the setting from underground racing to brightly coloured islands where crabs throw fish at you as you drive by. See? See? Directed by Michael Bay.

3. Leisure Suit Larry- The Musical: Tom 'definitely-not-gay' Cruise plays the much misunderstood Larry, every one's second favourite comedy sex-pest after Quagmire in Family Guy. A rollercoaster of fun ensues as Larry has lots of casual relationships with mostly willing females. Paul Verhoeven directs.

4. Tekken Tag Tournament -Episode IV A New Hope: Sean Connery IS Heihachi Mishima. Ok, that's actually the only reason i included this one. Directed by Alan Bennet.

5. Monkey Island Trilogy: This would be ACE! It would have a young blond pirate wannabe in it, a love interest who would be from noble blood, a ghostly evil pirate villain who would look like he's decomposing, comedy swaggering pirates, lots of grog and sword fights, a voodoo priestess who lives in a swamp and surrounds herself with jars full of icky stuff like you'd find in teenage girls' bedrooms, stirring music, a curse of some sort and a comedy dog with keys in its mouth.

Oh, and it would be a trilogy.

I think this would be the perfect project for someone like....oooh, Johnny Depp? Gore Verbinski could direct it perhaps...Hollywood, are you listening? This would be ace!! Make it now!

Failing that, i'm still waiting for Etch-A-Sketch or a My Little Pony film. David Fincher could direct that.


*Not to be confused with Ms Premenstrual Pac Man in which the ghosts chase her for a bit until she snaps and kills them all with a spoon.