In the latest Spider-Ham movie, Peter Porker takes out not one, not two but THREE count 'em THREE super-duper-villains!
He's like a villain exterminator and quite possibly almost a match for Jack Bauer but at this rate he'll be out of people to "K-Pow!!" and "Sock!!" and "Kerrunch!" by a week on Thursday. So to that end, i have come up with some new super-baddies for Marvel Comics to use to ensure that Spidey 4 doesn't involve the audience having to endure 2 hours and 20 minutes of Petey playing online solitaire, searching for internet-corn or learning to play "Chopsticks" on a Casio Keyboard...
Weather-Man: By day, Ian McAskill is the BBC's top heart-throb weather-reporter. Every woman swoons at his merest mention of "humidity" or "moisture" but by night he turns into Weather-Man, a psychotic cloak swirling super-nutter who's main power is causing light drizzles, predicting typhoons and throwing little plastic clouds with magnets on them at your ears.
Donkey-Boy: Jack Mule has a secret which he keeps in his trousers. Yep, you guessed it- in his right pocket he keeps a miniature donkey which he sends through people's letter-boxes to steal their car keys! Hee-Haw, Hee-Haw, Hee's Hawwllways doing it!! Ahem..
The "cream" Goblin: Much more fashion conscious than the "green" one, the Cream Goblin is also available in teal, taupe and puce.
Ping-Pong-Girl: She doesn't even need a bat! This super-nasty villainess cannot be argued with, cannot be bargained with, cannot be silenced. That's simply because she's female. Oh, and she's also deadly with a ping-pong ball... but only when she's horizontal.
The Human Porch: Selma Patio was a regular girl until she was hit with a highly toxic house brick. Now, whenever it starts to "look a bit like rain", she turns into a small extension to your existing property which allows you to store your shoes and umbrellas inside her. Not really sure how this would be a decent villain...to be honest, i really didn't think this one through at all...
Blancmange Boy: Not to be trifled with! He has hundreds and thousands of ways to destroy super-heroes. The mention of his name turns mortal men to jelly. Can anyone stop him and put him in custardy? Ahahahaha...sorry.
2 comments:
Your latest post reminded me of joke, so here goes
Superman was flying throug New York when he spots Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on top of the Empire State Building.
He has always fancied and her and decides to try his luck. He then thinks to himself 'Hang on a sec, I can fly down, do my business and fly away before she even notices. After all I'm Superman'.
So Superman flies down makes passionate love to her and flies away in the blink of an eye.
Wonder Woman sits up and says 'What was that?'
The Invisible Man replies, cluthing his rear 'I don't know but it f****ing hurt!!!'
Super-Jokes, eh?
A man walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, gulps it down, walks over to the window, and jumps out.
Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, gulps that one down too, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.
Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how on earth are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you drink beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the ground."
"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, gulps it down, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the ground below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're a complete ass when you're drunk!"
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