A little while ago we road-tested hedgehogs and badgers in order to ensure all my dolphin-friendly blogger folks were aware of which to get. This month, to further enrich your lives, we bring you another exciting test!!
Godzilla Vs Mozilla
Godzilla:
Ability to scare people in Tokyo - 10/10: A great start to our test. The scaly lizard can easily frighten even the most senior members of the Yakuza without even breaking a sweat.
Ability to find internet corn - 2/10: Although Godzilla probably could find just about anything eventually, it's usually just an accident and generally involves her levelling an entire city first.
Strength - 8/10: She can take out small armies (and probably quite a few legsies too. ahem. sorry). She can destroy giant mechanical moths but she has been beaten once or twice, at least until the sequel.
Technical Support - 2/10: pretty limited unless we're counting the crappy Hanna Barbera cartoon (which we're not because it sucked and had some beardy blokey captain in it who looked like a child-killer AND the worlds most irritating animated creation, Godzuki who makes me want to pop my own eyeballs out with spoons when i think about him).
Weaknesses - 4/10: Pretty much every radiation-powered beasty has taken a shot at Godzilla and she has been killed many times by various psychotic creatures over petty arguments about the merits of salted or sweet popcorn and why mothra leaves the toilet seat up all the time.
Mozilla:
Ability to scare people in Tokyo - 1/10: Poor effort. Only a handful of children are scared by Mozilla and that's usually when they stumble on to this blog by accident.
Ability to find internet corn - 10/10: Top marks for the Moz! Typing "corn" into its little googley-woogly tool-bar results in high quality corn-on-corn action in seconds!
Strength - 128Bit/10: Ahahahaahahah.. erm... sorry (again).
Technical Support - 8/10: The busy Mozzites work around the clock* to ensure that there little browser works splendiferously well.
Weaknesses - 5/10: Happy hackers from around the world, when not slamming their doors after an argument with their parents or arranging their Marylin Manson CDs in order of gloominess, spend their time searching out and exploiting poor little Moz weaknesses and, occasionally they succeed. If i could make a fist shape with my flipper, i'd shake it at them.
Overall Winner: Mozilla!
Although Mozilla cant help if you if your city is under attack from an oversized jellyfish tentacle named Graham or stop an annoying neighbour playing music after 1am by smashing his house into tiny pieces with a lizardy toe, it CAN help with your homework, find copious amounts of hot barely-legal corn action and also tell you if it's going to rain later.
I don't think Godzilla could even hold a mouse with her tiny little hands.
*Monday to Friday 9.00 while 17.00 except on Bank Holidays, Jewish festivals or National Stroke-An- Otter Day.
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