The Elves and the Shoemaker

Another fabulous fact about October is that it is National Children's Book Week in the UK. To celebrate this, i have decided to write a totally original story which bears no resemblance to any other story you may have read already...

Once upon a time there was a shoemaker.

Cobblers! you might say, and you'd be quite correct too.

So poor was the shoemaker that he only had enough leather to make one pair of shoes. While sniffling loudly and leaving long streaky snot cobwebs all over his sleeve, he carefully cut out the leather so that the next morning he'd be all set to make the shoes.

The next morning he woke early and was astonished to find that the shoes were already made. Rather lovely they were too with a fantastic leather otter embossed near the heel. The shoemaker woke his wife (for he was married -which was a total surprise to everyone in the village as they all suspected him to be a raving homosexual) and showed her the shoes.

"Ooh lookit! Lookit! Lovely perfect wickle shoooooooes!" He squealed in his most manly way.
His wife clapped her hands and looked very pleased but her smile was only skin-deep - she secretly suspected the same thing as the rest of the villagers and was dead grateful for the magic vibrating banana she had obtained in a card game with some lesbian witches.

The shoes were sold within minutes of opening the shop - in fact, it was a boutique...or 'boot-ique' as the shoemaker referred to it which was amusing the first time he said it but not quite as funny on the 402nd time.

With the money, the shoemaker bought enough leather for two pairs of shoes and once again, before bedtime (9pm sharp-just after Sex and the City finished), he laid out the cut outs of the shoes and slipped off into dreamyland where he enjoyed a fabulous dream about dancing badgers.

In the morning the shoes were ready once more and they were as pretty as the last pair. Within minutes of the shop opening they sold and the shoemaker ran around the store squealing and skipping and playing his favourite Abba tracks before buying enough leather for four more pairs of shoes.

When nightfall came, the shoemaker turned to his wife and said 'why don't we slip downstairs and see who's making our lovely shoes?'
Since his wife wasn't doing anything else in the bed that night...or any night since the wedding (much to her disappointment), she quickly agreed and they both sneaked downstairs.

In the light cast by the streetlight outside the shop, they spied tiny little elves all busying around sewing and knitting and cutting and stitching and using their tiny hands to make the gorgeous shoes. It took the shoemaker's wife every ounce of strength to stop her husband making an excited squeaking noise by squeezing his ears between her fingers and they both crept from the room silently.

The next morning, after the shoes had sold once more, the shoemaker bought a little extra leather. He had decided to make little outfits for his little magical workers. This was a dream come true since his wife had forbade him from buying a poodle last year and then spending all their spare cash on little clothes for it.

The evening came and the shoemaker and his childless wife laid out the clothes then hid behind the counter. Since this was only thing being 'laid' that evening, the wife had decided to pop the banana on 'charge' while they waited.

The elves turned up around midnight and the couple watched as they studied the clothes for a second before jumping with joy and popping the little outfits on quickly. Once the clothes were on, they danced and skipped and sang Abba tracks as they scampered out of the shop and were never seen again.

Though they never returned, the shoemaker was satisfied that he had rewarded them fairly He was also so inspired by their work that his own shoes began to sell again and his money worries were no more.

His wife died a few years later in an unfortunate electrical/fruit based accident that took place late one night and the shoemaker was distressed for almost a week. His spirits seemed to lift, however, when he took in a young strapping boy named Bob as an apprentice to 'help him' in the shop.