Monday 8 October 2007

Politically Correctomundo!



Everything is so PC nowadays, isn't it? I mean, only yesterday i was allowed to ask for 'that nice jam with the golly on the front' but now I'm told that even shaking my flipper in the direction of the words ' thieving pikey scumbag' is asking for trouble and will result in me only getting half my fish rations for a week.

Many of the beloved TV shows of yesterday wouldn't stand a chance and would need to be considerably re-vamped before getting approval from stripey-shirt and braces wearing studio executives who, as i type are probably licking white powder off the brim of a hat worn by a dancing midget while getting their nipples squeezed by a leather wearing Thai girl with an otter tattoo on her ankle.

With this is mind, I've decided to re-write one of my favourite shows for a new generation. Ladies and Gentlemen and Seahorses, may i proudly present... The GAY-Team!

Led by HandyBalls, the Gay-Team stride into town wherever there is trouble and help redecorate the place, pop in a few discos and teach the local men how to dance properly.

Handyballs would be the planner. He'd always be one step ahead of the Anti-Gay Police and two steps ahead in the queue for free baby oil.

His team would also consist of B.A. (This would probably be revealed to stand for something like Banana Allergy, Bottoms Ahoy or Bouncy Anal...but not until the 32nd episode). B.A. would be in charge of the heavy lifting, the wearing of lots of bling and the growling at young inexperienced gay men. He'd also hate flying until offered a 'milkshake' from a teammate.

The most likely candidate to offer the aforementioned 'milkshake' would be Murdick. He'd be the crazy one who likes nothing more than wearing a dress and talking in a silly voice....a bit like Sarah Michelle Gellar but with a less stupid looking nose, obviously.

The final member of the team would be Facial, a smooth operator who likes fast cars and faster men. Probably played by someone dead cool and sexy....maybe Dale Winton.

You're already setting the 'record' button on your digital recorder, aren't you?

7 comments:

Tora said...

maybe <_>

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